He burst on the scene as fresh and vibrant as any young prospect in the last 5 years. Nobody can get him out, he's crushing long balls, looking all too natural grazing the outfield grass next to Griffey Jr. Who wouldn't fall for him? Love is new, and exciting, but sometimes it makes you do things you regret. Sometimes the memories of the good times make you incapable of seeing the harsh truth that is the present: He's had 2 home runs, 15 rbi and is hitting .250 in his last 50 games. Sometimes it makes you keep boyishly goodlooking guys named Jay Bruce on your fantasy team.I play fantasy baseball because, sometimes, its not so much about fake baseball teams and some alternate reality where you control the destiny of that team's success. Sometimes its about finding a very amusing metaphor for your real life. Here is one:
Remember when you were in High School and you were all into that girl, but then she started treating you like shit, but instead of breaking up w/ her, you just kept saying "maybe it'll get better, maybe it'll go back to the way it was..."
So you waste a few weeks being unhappy, but remaining hopeful. Then you finally decide you're done with it. You tell her its over. It feels so good to be liberated. But the greener hill of liberation quickly turns arid and dies. You arrive in school the next day to see Girl X rocking out a low cut shirt and a spunky devil-may-care attitude. "Fuck. I want her. I want her back. I'm an idiot.
I cut Jay Bruce about a week ago. "Fuck you Jay Bruce, I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore" I said. But what does he do? He shoves it right back in my face. He goes straight to the salon, gets the manicure/pedicure/face lift combo and belts 3 homers in 4 games. But only after getting picked up by the guy who I made a side bet with (a bet whose value equalled that of my investment in the whole league) that I would beat him head to head in our final standings. Please take me back, Jay. I was stupid. I'll never do it again. You're beautiful. I love you. Baby, I love you.
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4 comments:
Haha, yes. I love it. He cut J.D. Drew for Jay Bruce. You should pick him up for a little payback. You know the ole fantasy crush swap. You guys are swingers.
Warning track power.
that's right. you called it early.
yeah, i had a man crush on bruce and nearly ended a realtionship with evan longoria for jay bruce and some other joker i was going to let into the sack. those first two weeks made bruce look hot and an admitted reds fan, the relationship looked like it would be promising.
but longoria sounds sexy and so i promised evan i'd see this thing through for a while longer. plus, there are outfielders everywhere and finding a solid 3B to adore isn't exactly easy.
so, here we are today, with evan by my side and jay struggling to find himself. longoria stole my heart (and i sure as hell wish he'd still some more bases as promised!) he'll be a keeper for me and should sit well in the clubhouse with tulo, holliday, sizemore, and uggla (damn that team is so hot right now. where's a hansel when you need him?!)
dar
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