MLB Bombshell: 100% of fat players use performance inhibiting substances

Early this morning Major League Baseball released the Winchell Report, a list of players confirmed to have taken performance inhibiting substances. The list may come as a shock to some as former All-Stars and future Hall of Famers are included on this list. The prevailing opinion with the public is one of mistrust. Many of these players were fan favorites, gritty guys who were perceived as players that achieved a lot in spite of their physical deformities. This list raises doubt in some minds. I spoke to a Philadelphia resident who preferred to remain anonymous, "Krukie was my guy you know. He was a big guy who just saw the ball and raked in the ribbies, I mean... he was one of us. Now I see this list and his name is on it and I think, you know, I bust my tail everyday to make a living and this guy has a gift like that but can't lay off the cheese steaks. It hurts man, he could have been the greatest." John Kruk, one of the players named sat down with Peter Gammons on the set of Baseball Tonight. Here's a little bit of what he had to say:

When I arrived in Philly in 1989, I felt an enormous amount of pressure. I felt like I had all the weight of the world on top of me, and I needed to perform, and perform at a high level every day.

Back then, it was a different culture. It was very loose. Guys were hanging out at the Taco Bell everyday after training. I was young. I was stupid. I was naive. I thought, there's no way this could hurt me. A Nacho Bell Grande here and there can't hurt. And I wanted to prove to everyone that, you know, I could do a keg-stand or two and it wouldn't hurt my play. You know, for that I'm very sorry and deeply regretful.

Gammons also asked Kruk what kind of substances he was taking.

Peter, that's the thing. Again, it was such a loosey-goosey era. You don't see the clubhouse spreads you see today. We were on our own to find food and guys fell into this trap of, you know, getting any kind of food that was fast and cheap. I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naive, not asking all the right questions. And to be quite honest, I don't know exactly what I was eating.

Other notable players on the list are Tony Gwynn, Joba Chamberlain, Cecil Fielder, Prince Fielder, Fernando Valenzuela, David Wells, and half the catchers in the player database.

-PSon

Anthony Carter saves fat guys $0.77 with late jumper

Anthony Carter put his brass balls on display by hitting a clutch shot with just 8 seconds remaining in Tuesday night's win over the San Antonio Spurs. In what was probably the biggest shot of his career, he squared up the 6 footer and hit nothing but 2 sides of the rim and the bottom of the net. The Nuggets were up by 6 at the time and the shot meant nothing to the outcome of the game but Taco Bell will sell 3 tacos for $1 every time the Nuggets score 103 points during this season. You could practically hear recliner's tipping over all over the greater-Denver area as slightly and morbidly obese people alike scrambled to find a calculator to see how many extra tacos they could buy. Look for the sale of XXXXL AC jerseys to disappear from their usual place on the clearance racks tomorrow.

-PSon