Manny Being... Traded

You know I wasn't really worried about the Los Angeles Dodgers being a threat in the NL West despite the fact that they are currently parked atop the division. The Dodgers just got a whole lot scarier. Manny Ramirez was traded to the Dodgers today just before the deadline.

Reports are sketchy but it looks as if this was a three team deal involving the Boston Red Sox, Pittsburgh Pirates and Dodgers. The Sox will get OF Jason Bay. L.A. now has a very jumbled outfield with decrepit guys like Juan Pierre and Andruw Jones taking up bench spots (and a significant chunk of the teams payroll. They also have up-and-coming guys like Andre Ethier and Matt Kemp who should be taking the call as starters.

This one could go either way for all teams involved. I think Manny will play hard with a change of scenery and will give them the power bat Andruw Jones couldn't. Boston will be set for the future with the OF trifecta of Bay, J.D. Drew, and Jacoby Ellsbury. Pittsburgh received prospects and will continue their perpetual rebuilding process and provide for a nice doormat to all other NL teams.

This trade also makes for a couple of VERY interesting potential World Series matchups. Joe Torre and Man-Ram's Dodgers against the Yankees? Man-Ram, Derek Lowe, and Nomar against the Red Sox? All the makings of an exciting postseason.

Hop on the Pain-Train to Title Town!

Ummm, welcome to the team Ken Griffey, Jr? Today the White Sox made a bold... if largely puzzling splash by trading a middling minor league second baseman (Danny Richar) and perhaps the worst reliever ever (Nick "Magic" Massett) for the once mighty and formidable Junior. 

Junior has been an annual subject of trade rumors for the Sox since Kenny "Dark Ninja" Williams took over as GM. And finally, Kenny's man-crush/love-boner for Junior has come to fruition. But at the most unexpected of times. Why unexpected? Cuz where the hell is Junior gonna play?

The Sox are locked in at the corner OF. Q! and Dye aren't going anywhere, and both continue to rake. There is currently an abysmal black hole in Paul "Eeyore" Konerko at first base. We have a better first baseman in Nick Swisher, currently playing center. And Jim "Pretty Rabbit" Thome as our slugging, left handed DH.

Where does Griffey fit into all of this. If the year was 1997, I would be crapping my pants in excitement. Griffey slides in CF, Swish moves to 1B, and Konerko helps set-up and take down the post-game spread. But as everyone knows, Junior ain't "Junior!" any more. He definitely can't play CF effectively, or without getting hurt. So wtf?

I don't really doubt Kenny Williams. The man brought the first World Series title to Chicago in almost a century. And everyone shat all over him this offseason, when all he did was bring in the best bullpen in the AL (of all time according to Joe Morgan), sign the Cuban Missile Alexei Ramirez for chump change, and there is that other guy... what's his name... oh, QQQQQ!!!!!. All for a pittance. And now Kenny wants, Junior. Kenny can have Junior, and the best lefty pinch hitter in baseball coming off the bench. Or whatever. 

My prediction is that there is another trade coming. We need to make some space if Junior is going to have any value. We'll see how the afternoon pans out.

But that's that. Junior is on the White Sox. I for one am psyched to see him in his alternate blacks. And I'll be standing and cheering like a mofo when he passes that greaseball, roided pockmark on the history of baseball, Sammy Sosa, on the all-time HR list. That will be a sight to behold.

So welcome to Title Train U.S. Junior. Get us a couple clutch hits this year, and we'll reward you with some nice hardware for the mantle back at home. Just stay away from the nerve tonic, and everything's gonna be all right.

-bb13

Rome With The "Chris" Blast

One of my favorite sports "honks", Jim Rome calls Jim Everett (Los Angeles Rams QB), Chris (after female tennis player Chris Evert). Jim Rome now says he regrets this encounter but talking heads need to get their name out somehow and this is the clip that made him famous. A little uncomfortable but mostly hilarious.

The whole situations is pretty much uncalled for which makes it that much more funny. Rome knew before Everett came on that he was going to antagonize him and he didn't waste any time. "Jim... good to have you on the show. Check that, Chris... good to have you on the show." Fast forward... "I think that you probably won't say that again." "I bet I do... (pause)... Chris."

Yanks Trade For Pudge

The gritty Yankees have done it once again. They have overcome all odds to replace a broken starter (catcher Jorge Posada) with an over-the-hill future Hall of Famer. This scrappy team of high priced flameouts has added another (alleged) 'roid abuser to their roster, assuring themselves a run at the AL East crown and a sure-fire 1st round playoff loss to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or the AL Central champs.

Baron and Nash Killin' It

Nothing I post could do justice to the above "trailer". No, that is NOT Matthew Lesko doing the robot.

The Heat Is On

Jeremy Shockey's trade from the New York Giants to the New Orleans Saints was a win-win situation. The Giants got rid of a lightning rod and reported team cancer while the Sainst pick up a premier tight end who has by all accounts been on his best behavior since making the move. Things may change when the going gets tough but look for the Saints to trot out one of the best offenses in the league this year. Shockey hasn't looked this good since his performance in Heat.

Open Letter to Kevin Youkilis

Dear Kevin Youkilis,
I don't like your face. I like it even less when you open your mouth and give that squirrel a chance to get inside. But believe me, I'm rooting for him: "Go on! Get in there little buddy".

I hate the way you caress the bat with your right hand before the pitch comes. I hate you because the Red Sox fan who was yelled "Go ahead, win like that you fucking faggot" at me when the umpire called an inside strike on Mike Lowell in the 9th inning of Friday's game against the Yankees, likes you. I do, however, love that you haven't figured out that for every time you open your mouth and act tough, Joba is going to burn another patch of fur off your face. I love that you act like you don't want any part of it when talk to the media and tell them "hey, come on, someone's gonna get hurt", like you're not deathly afraid it will be you.

Sincerely,
Objective Baseball Fan

Along Came A Spider

This fight happened over a week ago and I'm now just getting around to posting about it. I feel like I have to because this was one of the greatest fights I've seen from the greatest fighter out there and I am probably the person on this blog to carry the MMA torch. Anderson "The Spider" Silva is the UFC's Middleweight title holder. Silva has an undefeated UFC record (the only title holder with that distinction) and has pretty much manhandled everybody that has been placed in front of him.

The guy he fought in the video is James Irvin. Irvin is a light heavyweight fighter and a good one at that. The weight difference between the two classes is about 20 pounds. Silva put on 20 pounds of weight so he could move up and fight a light heavyweight contender and provide himself with a challenge he doesn't feel he was getting at middleweight. Irvin is nowhere near the best light heavyweight the UFC has to offer but he is an up-and-coming star who is known for his devastating power. Irvin is not known to have a glass jaw. Silva, who is a Muay-Thai specialist but also excels at Boxing, Jiu-Jitsu, and wrestling, effectively went toe to toe with a heavy hitter and dropped him with one punch.

This just illustrates how versatile a fighter Silva is. I would love to seem him expand on his foray into light heavyweight and continue to challenge himself. Fighters tend to retire when they feel like there's nothing left to prove. It would be a shame for the MMA world to lose such a graceful and respectful star.

Silva post-fight quote:

“I’m a Muay Thai fighter, I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. I didn’t come up to the 205-pound division to disrespect any fighters, but if you stand up and exchange Muay Thai, this is what happens.”

The Natural Hits the Century Mark

Hammie drove in his 100th RBI this season in his 99th game yesterday. He hit a homer today and drove in 3 more runs. Looks like he wants to take a shot at Hack Wilson's record. Here's a video of Hammie's walkoff against K-Rod right before the all-star break. I get chills every time I watch that.

Are You Really Surprised?

How many years am I going to have to listen to the pre-All Star Break proclamations about the Yankees being a non factor down the play-off run? I hope this is the last. 102 games into the most injury riddled season in the Yanks recent history, NYY find themselves 2.5 behind the AL East leading Rays, and just 1 game behind the AL East favorite Boston Red Sox. When is the world going to learn that the New York Yankee's legacy is not, and has never been, about buying up and winning with more pure talent than anyone else. Admittedly, the huge budget has afforded them opportunities to win that most cities could only dream of. And it has also rendered meaningless big free agent busts. Such misfortune could mean multiple year playoff droughts in other cities, but here they get overlooked and largely fogotten about. Why? Partly because we can. But that's not the only reason.

The Yankees have a more pervasive "culture of winning" than any other sports franchise in history. Guys who have come up through the system from day 1 (Jeter, Posada, Mariano, Bernie Williams) have bought into that culture, and proliferated it. They have insisted on instilling this culture in all those big free agent signings. THIS TEAM WILL NEVER ROLL OVER. The proof? Year after year, NYY stand up to adversity, and show that they have as much heart and resilience as a fan could hope for.

This year has been no different. With each of the following players missing 1/4 of the season or more (to date; or the pitcher equivilent), the Yanks are just 3 games back of the Rays and 2 games back of the Red Sux: Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, Alex Rodriguez, Jorge Posada, Chien Ming Wang, Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy. Look at those names. Oh yeah, and they've missed Carl Pavano, too. The Justin Christian, Wilson Betemit, Sidney Ponson (cringe) Yankees are 3 games out of the AL East, and have more momentum than the two teams ahead of them.

I can't wait to see how the next 60 games play out. But the truth is, I don't really care. They've already made me proud.

Flight of the Birdman

Welcome back my friend. You have been missed.

Welcome back Devin!!

Welcome back Mr. Hester. Life can continue.

-bb13

Lightning Rod

News came down the wire yesterday that surefire Bronco Ring-of-Famer and legendary Blackjack Pizza pitchman Rod Smith was officially retiring from the NFL. Smith came into the league in 1994 as an undrafted free agent. He spent 1994 on Denver's practice squad before earning a roster spot in 1995. Rod Smith's first great Bronco moment came on September 17th against the Washington Redskins. Smith found a seam and Elway hit him with a 43-yard bomb as time expired. Smith hit NFL-lifer and perpetual Pro Bowler Darrell Green with the brutal teabag to announce himself to Bronco faithful as the next big thing.

Over the years, Rod cemented himself as a perennial All-Pro and one of the most solid receivers in the NFL. Rod never had the flashy persona (evidenced by his robotic Blackjack commercials) but he always let his play do the talking. Because of this, he was often overshadowed by other pass catchers but Broncos fans loved his blue collar approach to the game. Replacing Ed McCaffrey was an impossible task (second only to replacing John Elway) but Smith proved to etch out his own spot in Bronco lore. Here's to you Rod, you will be missed.

Why Rod Smith should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. Broncos franchise record holder for career receptions (849), receiving yards (11,389), touchdown catches (68) and overalltouchdowns (71).
2. Posted 70 or more receptions for nine consecutive seasons (1997-2005), a streak that tied for the second longest in NFL history.
3. One of seven players in NFL history to record back-to-back 100-catch seasons (2000-01).
4. 3-time Pro Bowler, 2-time First Team All-Pro, 2 Super Bowl titles
5. In the Broncos' 34-19 win in Super Bowl XXXIII, Smith had 5 receptions for 152 yards (the fourth highest total in Super Bowl history), including an 80-yard touchdown reception.

Is That You Daddy?

Guess we now know where Vuja-chick gets his penchant for flopping and acting like he's been shot. Vlade is his dad! Genetics baby! No word yet on why he's such a douchebag greaseball or why he accessorizes like a lunch lady.

The Anatomy of a Basebrawl

Baseball is a sport that is steeped in tradition unlike any other. Major League Baseball is the slowest of the major sports leagues in the United States to make any kind of changes. For instance, the NFL, NBA, and NHL all use some form of replay during games to make sure the outcome of a game is not determined by a single faulty call. Despite the many disputed home run calls over the past few years (some coming in crucial moments), MLB still has yet to adopt this necessary evil. Someday MLB will institute instant replay but we can all rest easy knowing that some good things never change. MLB should never, can never, and will never disallow players from coming out of their dugouts during brawls.

The NFL, NHL, and NBA all have rules against leaving the bench (for any reason) during fights. This is a good rule for these sports. It ensures that the minimum amount of players are involved in the fight. Why wouldn't MLB adopt the same rule? Safety of the players. You see unlike those other sports (except hockey during power plays), there will always be an unequal number of players on the field for each team. The closest they can ever get is 9-7 (loaded bases, guy on deck, 1st and 3rd base coaches). The batting team would always be at a severe disadvantage.

Baseball is a gentleman's game, right? This should never be a problem. Guys who reach the high minor and major league levels have been playing the game long enough to know the code. There is no honor among thieves. These are not all honorable men. Roger Clemens (threw a sawed off bat at Mike Piazza), Juan Marichal (brought a bat to the mound), Delmon Young (threw a bat at the umpire), Roberto Alomar (spit in an umpire's face), and the most recent addition, Julio Castillo (threw a ball at the opposing dugout, ball missed and hit a fan). The list is endless. These are the same douches you went to high school with. The absence of this rule is necessary in order to protect batters and keep pitchers honest.

Of course I would be lying if I said baseball fights were anything but awesome. This is when guys show their true colors. Countless characters emerge from these situations. I will mention my 9 favorites here.

1. "Likes to fight" guy, fielder edition (Jonny Gomes). This is the guy who sprints to the fight like he's trying to beat out an infield single and starts throwing hay makers at whoever touches one of his teammates.

2. "Likes to fight" guy, pitcher edition (Kyle Farnsworth). This guy is often a headhunter. He doesn't just want to bean guys, he wants to hurt them too. He'll let his fists finish what the ball started.

3. "Likes to fight" guy, batter edition (Izzy Alcantra). This guy likes to fight so much that he has a plan even before he knows he's going to be hit. Kick the catcher, avoid the mitt throw, throw hay makers at anybody who looks at you.

4. "In over his head" guy (Robin Ventura). This is the guy who makes a rash decision after being hit, charges the mound, then realizes he can't fight. This guy usually ends up being put in a headlock and taking 30 shots to the top of the head.

5. "Doesn't want to fight" guy (Alex Rodriguez). This is the most common of the fight guys. This guy usually stares at the pitcher until the catcher gets in his way, then he'll pretend that he really wants to get to the pitcher but can't.

6. The Catcher. That's all that needs to be said. This guys job is to protect the pitcher at all costs. He's the first line of defense.

7. Bullpen Reliever. These guys are my favorite. They take the slow jog to the fracas and basically just mill around while grabbing relievers from the other team. Occasionally you'll get "likes to fight" reliever who is no different from "likes to fight" fielder but they are very rare.

8. Cheapshot Guy. This is the guy who waits until somebody is tied up to start throwing punches. Because of the nature of this guy's character, the "punches" are usually small rabbit punches or open hand slaps.

9. The Gambler. Another one of my favorites. This guy thinks he's realizing his dream of becoming an MMA fighter and tries to throw something like a telegraphed roundhouse kick or a spinning back-fist. They never work, this guy always looks foolish and he inevitably becomes ESPN anchor fodder for the entirety of his career.

Cuban Missile Crisis

If you haven't already, everyone should certainly see this play:



That play is simply unbelievable and unlike any play I've ever seen. It's relatively common to see a fielder glove a ball then toss it to a teammate. But Alexei only uses his glove as a scoop and flicks it to Paulie as his momentum carries him away from first base... That's the kinda shit kids play around with on the sandlot. But Alexei pulls it off. And the icing on the cake is the incredulous barehanded grab by Paulie. He's like "wtf? really?". Then snatches it out of the air. Beautiful.

People dog on White Sox announcer Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson for being a homer, which he is. But I've never heard an announcer who had more emotionally invested in his team. His excitement during good plays... and his disappointment during bad plays, is tangible, palpable. One of the best parts of this clip is hearing Hawk go apoplectic, especially on the replay when he grasps the full magnitude of what he's seen.

It was truly an exciting day for the White Sox. Not only can we "hang a star" on that play. But my boy... the one and only, Carlos "Q!" Quentin. A major inspiration for the existence of this blog had this to add:


Let me set the scene. Two on, two out, bottom of the eighth. Sox down by two runs but have pulled within one run to make it it 7-8. The Rangers pull Eddie "I still play baseball!" Guardado, for their hippy-dippy douchebag closer CJ Wilson to face Q-uperman.

Now, there is some subtext here. Two weekends ago the Sox played the Rangers. In the top of the ninth (in Arlington), the Sox were down 8-12 going into the bottom of the 9th. CJ Wilson then gives up 3 runs to make it an 11-12 game. CJ escapes with a save, but jawing between Ozzie (big surprise) and CJ ensues. Apparently CJ gets a little too excited about getting the Sox players out. Ozzie takes offense. Q! happened to be one of those outs last time.

Fast forward to yesterday. Sox down and the Rangers bring in CJ Wilson to face Q!. And how does Q! respond?

In what is becoming classic Q! fashion. Carlos is building a legend in Chicago, that will be discussed in MUCH greater detail on this blog. But for now, I think the ringing echo of Hawk intoning "Mercy!" is enough to keep this Sox fan warm at night.

-bb13

Backbreak Mountain

As if the Bears outlook couldn't get any worse. News came yesterday that Devin Hester will holdout in order to secure a better contract.


Opposing defenses have had to deal with this for years but the Bears (and most importantly, Bear fan) may soon see #23 break away if they don't pay the man.

“I can’t go out and play this year making $445,000. Come on, man.” - Devin Hester.

This story practically writes itself. I don't want to call the guy a one-trick pony but there's a reason he plays DB and not receiver. I haven't seen hands this bad since my last trip to Vegas. Devin Hester is one of the most electrifying athletes I've seen but soon enough, coaches will learn to just kick the ball out of bounds and take their chances with Rex and Kyle (are you listening Shanahan?).

I gotta say, this is a good move for Hester. His value will never be higher. When you're in the NFL, you need to get your money while you can. It's a brutal sport. If you are injured, you will be paid for that season but your contract is not guaranteed after that. A team can cut you at any time and not have to pay you a dime. Teams always say the NFL is a business. They treat it that way so why shouldn't the players whose livelihoods are at stake?

RIP, Steve Bartman

Not that one...

Ah, that's better. On October 14, 2003, Steve Bartman became infamous in the eyes of all baseball fans. This is the date that he became a contestant on America's Favorite Scapegoat. Steve Bartman should not be relevant. While players like Scott Norwood, Bill Buckner, and Chris Douglas-Roberts earned their goat status on the field, all this guy had to do was buy a ticket and do what every other person in his vicinity was doing, attempt to catch a foul ball.

Bartman has reportedly been offered $25,000 by a sports collectors show to sign one autograph. The Orlando Sentinel reported:

"To collect the cash, all Bartman has to do is show up at the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center in Rosemont, Ill., at 1 p.m. on July 31, prove his identity and sign a photograph of the infamous play. It will then be auctioned on the Web site with the proceeds going to a Chicago-based charity, according to a news release for the publicity stunt event."

I don't even know where to start here. I haven't seen this many red flags since the Cold War. First off, this sounds like one of those horrible short con emails. You know, the ones where you are eligible to collect a large lump sum if only you send them all of your personal information and a small withdrawal fee. All of the elements are there, "all you need to do...", "prove your identity", "proceeds to charity"... Here's what I imagine the press release looks like in Chicago:

"To collect the cash, all Bartman has to do is show up at (nameless dive bar) on Main Street at 1 pm on July 31. He must be wearing his Walkman, Cubs hat, and green turtleneck to prove his identity. Bartman will then be tied down and an ink quill of blood will be drawn which he will use to sign a poster of the incident. It is at this time that he will be untied and briefcase will be tossed in his general vicinity. Moises Alou will jump from behind the bar and knock the briefcase away, just before it enters Bartman's reach. Bartman will be escorted to a special room where The Ludovico Technique will be employed. The 8th inning of Game 6 of the 2003 NL Championship Series will be played on a constant loop with Beethoven's Ninth Symphony run in the background. He will be eat like a(n) (exiled) king with an all-you-can-eat buffet of the finest beers and bar snacks the resident (losers) Cubs fans can dump on him."

Seriously Cubs fans are the best. They should be the lovable losers but they make it impossible by showing up en masse to away games and acting like a bunch of front runners when their team hasn't won a title since 1908. They made Bartman the goat despite the fact that:

1. Alex Gonzalez booted a sure-fire Miggy Cabrera double play ball with Pudge Rodriguez at 1st base.
   
2. Prior who had a complete game going into the 8th was run from the game with 1 out, 2 on, and the score tied at 3.
3. Cubs relievers gave up 5 more runs before they finally ended the inning.
4. They had Kerry Wood pitching Game 7 and were up 5-3 in the game. They lost the game 9-6 and then watched the upstart Marlins win their second title in 7 years.
   

Bartman, trust Cubs fan at your own risk. He carries a black heart and is very cunning. He will deceive you with promises of the finest meats and lagers in the land but will instead fill your plate with Vienna sausages and your cup with Old Style.

Bear-Hug for Brett

As a Bears fan, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. You see, the Bears’ outlook for next season is abysmal. We just lost our “franchise” running back to alcoholism and rampant stupidity. We’ve added little to nothing on offense, and our once mighty defense… was decidedly less mighty last year. The keystone to all this mediocrity is our abysmal situation at QB.

A quick history of Bears football shows a terrifying list of half-decayed zombies, French existentialists, and tackling dummys who have tried in vain to lead the Bears back to the glory land. These simple words make Bears fans across the nation shudder: Kordell, Kramer, Krenzel, and the worst of all … Burris. 

And while I do genuinely love Kyle Orton. Seriously, I love the guy. I can’t be sure he’s a long-term answer.

But there may be a silver lining to this dark, sweaty cloud. Because, you may not have heard (BREAKING NEWS), Brett Favre may be coming out of retirement and leaving the Packers! I know, you’d think someone would be talking about such important news. If you don’t believe me, look it up! I’m for real.

So could Brett Favre be the Bears' salvation? Can Brett lead the Bears to a Super Bowl victory? Would time and space end if that happened? Would I even want that to happen?

Hence… the soul searching.

After much thought. My answer is Yes. To all of the above. I would welcome Mr. Favre, but knowing TWO very important things.  

1. I love the Bears. And I would place my personal feelings on nearly any subject aside if it meant success for the Bears. If Hitler’s great grandson had a cannon for an arm. And Pol Pot’s nephew had great hands. I’d cheer them both to a Super Bowl victory, with no shame. So as much as I’ve hated Brett over the years. As many times as I’ve made up horrible things about him (he’s not really a child molester. I can admit that now). I would welcome him with open arms. But under VERY strict guidelines, ie victories.

2. If we welcomed Favre to the Bears. But he sucked. The glorious potential of that situation would be … wait for it, this is good … the prospect of Brett FUCKING Favre getting benched for the likes of Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton. OH GLORIOUS DAY! Imagine the pain on the fat, drunk, ugly faces of Packer fans across the nation as their golden god is relegated to clipboard carrier for their biggest rival.

So as you can see. It’s a win – win in my book. So come on down Favre! You can even crash on my futon while you’re looking for a place in Chicago. I’ve got cable and wireless internet, just sayin.

-bb13

Open Letter to Nick Punto

(For those unfamiliar, Nick Punto is the below replacement level player currently occupying 3rd/2nd/SS  for the inexplicably successful Twins, who despite having roughly three decent players, remain only 1.5 games behind the AL Central leading White Sox.)


Dear Nick Punto,

All right buddy, the jig is up. Your clever ruse has been exposed. There is no way that you’re a professional baseball player. I’m sure you’re a nice guy, and you’ve certainly made the most of your (little) God-given talent. But seriously. It’s time to walk away.

Let’s face it, we’re all born with a destiny. Clearly you should just now be hitting your stride as a Division II, women’s softball coach, struggling with alcoholism and watching your marriage fall apart. Your nine year old son doesn’t respect you and your estranged wife may be dating the left fielder. You’re not sure, but they spend a lot of time together, braiding each other’s hair.

These are the problems awaiting you in real-life. Not “what should my plate approach be against Beckett tonight”, or “runner on first, 2 strikes, lets look for the 5-4-3 double play” or “I saw Mauer’s junk in the shower today…. magnificent.”

Lets face it. You shouldn’t have the honor of staring at Mauer’s balls day in and day out. That prize should be reserved for truly world-class athletes, captains of industry and visiting dignitaries.

The facts:

- You’re 5’ 9’’ and weigh almost 200 lbs. Your BMI is 28.8! That means you’re almost morbidly obese!! Come on man. You’re thinking “yeah, but Papi is fatter,” Sure, Papi is fatter, but he can fucking hit.

- You can’t hit (despite your .325 average, no one forgets your 52 OPS+ last year).

- You’re a middling fielder. Yet you play 7 positions? Why? Because you’re mediocre at all of them. Maybe practice at second and get good. At least you can be a defensive option.

- You can’t run.

- You wouldn’t start on ANY other team in baseball.

And yet, there you are, day in and day out in Minny. How do Twin’s fans deal with the apocalypse that is your daily presence? If it weren’t for the Twins’ inexplicable win streak, I’d almost feel sympathy.

Mauer – baller. Morneau – stud. Nathan – hard-ass mofo. As a White Sox fan, I can agree with all of that. But you, Nick Punto, represent everything incomprehensible and annoying about the Twins franchise. From what hole they scrap below replacement level players like you, I’ll never know. You are the fissure in the collective anus that is the Metrodome. Please retire now. Spare your grandchildren the shame.


-bb13

LaRue Beats Out "Infield Single"

In the ninth inning of Monday's game against the Brewers, the (homer) scorekeeper would have you believe that Jason LaRue, 34 year old back up catcher for the St. Louis Cardinals legged out a gutty, pinch hit, infield single in a tight game. But this would not tell the whole story. To understand the full story, you must first know that a day or so before the game, the Brew-crew traded for long time vet 2B Ray Durham. This fact, combined with the knowledge that current Brewers 2B Rickie Weeks is hitting .219, lets you in on the details necessary to understand what happened on Monday.

First of all, back up catchers don't get infield singles to second basemen. Can you imagine a situation where a ball is hit to the right side of the infield, but ohhh, he had to range too far, LaRue's already burning down the line in his orthodics and turtleneck. Rickie Weeks' teammates yelling to him "Eat it! Eat it! No throw!"

No. Jason LaRue ends up at first base because "knock-kneed, holy shit I can't believe I'm going to lose my job to Ray Durham" Rickie Weeks made an error. But the hometown scorekeeper has Jason LaRue's rookie card and he wouldn't even trade it for Ken Griffey Jr. Fleer Ultra Rookie card.

The Sparks Challenge

Anybody catch this "melee" last night in the WNBA between the L.A. Sparks and Detroit Shock? There was so much flopping and crying I thought it was video of a recent Team Argentina practice. This "fight" included 1) women wrestling on the floor 2) a peacemaker blowing her knee out 3) a very large assistant coach (Rick Mahorn) pushing down a female player (Lisa Leslie) 4) a female player open hand slapping Mahorn in the back. The WNBA is as exciting as the NBA!

Tulo Time? Please?

This has not been a good season for Tulo. One season after he took second place in a very close Rookie of the Year race to a game Ryan Braun, he is in the midst of a devastating sophomore slump. While Ryan Braun has continued to pound the cover off the ball (he was voted to the All Star team and took part in the Home Run Derby), Tulo has spent the majority of the season splitting time between the DL and being embarrassed at the plate.

Not only was Tulo my 4th round pick in the fantasy draft but he's also in my top 5 players playing the game today (not coincidentally, all 5 are on my fantasy team). Tulo came back from the DL yesterday (lacerated palm) and went 5 for 5 in his first game back. Here's to hoping The Vagaries of Man-Love karma will keep him going and propel the Rockies to a shot at the playoffs and my fantasy team to the league championship.

Baron and Nash go to White Castle

This strange picture surfaced yesterday and a lot of people are wondering why Baron Davis and Steve Nash are riding a tandem bike through Santa Monica. I don't think that's Nash at all, which brings up another important question. What is Baron Davis doing hanging out with Matthew Lesko (The Question Mark Guy)? It's really a win-win in my mind. Lesko can have Baron help peddle his CDs and books and Baron now has somebody to hang out with after Elton Brand stabbed him in the back.

Showing His O-Face

If Greg Oden never plays a single minute in the NBA, he will probably still be my favorite player. His story is one for the ages, the first 52 year old man to be drafted into the NBA. Oden sat out his first season after undergoing hip replacement surgery. He should be back this season and ready to shake his fist at all the younguns and whippersnappers who attempt to journey into his post.

In all seriousness, if you watched the ESPYs last night you were treated to a taste of Oden's personality. I hope he has a long career because his basketball skills as well as his entertaining persona will prove to be great additions to the NBA.

What the Hell is Brett Favre Doing Here?

As anybody who watches SportsCenter every night or reads sports blogs during the day can attest to, I am sick of hearing about Brett Favre. Now if I'm sick of hearing and reading about him, why am I writing about him? The answer is actually quite simple, I find him fascinating. Why does he do what he does? What goes on inside his mind during the course of a season, a game, a play?

I am not a Brett Favre fan. I wouldn't say I dislike him as a person because I don't. He's a very likable person. I dislike Brett Favre because of the fans who idolize him and believe that he does no wrong. I hate hearing the John Elway/Brett Favre comparisons. I'm not going to say that John Elway is greater than Brett Farve or vice versa. When a quarterback reaches a certain level, it becomes hard to tell them apart. Quarterbacks can not be judged in a vacuum. Some were blessed with great receivers, running backs, coaches, fans, stadiums, etc... Others were hampered by things outside of their control.

Brett Favre was blessed with a perfect situation. He played with coaches who let him do what he does best and once he started piling up stats (for better or worse) the fans came to believe he was the second coming of Bart Starr. When Favre won the Super Bowl he became infallible in the eyes of Packer fan. Brett Favre is a gunslinger through and through. He will amass incredible stats partly because of skill, partly because of the sheer number of passing attempts (the Allen Iverson Corollary), but mostly because he has been allowed to do whatever he wants. I don't think Favre would have been successful in any system he played. Would he have led the '02 Oakland Raider to the Super Bowl? I say not. Would the '98 Vikings have won the Super Bowl with him? I think so.

I think we're seeing now what kind of person Brett Favre is. The situation is not a simple one for either the Packers or Favre. Favre is an icon, his name is synonymous with Green Bay football. The fact is that he has been holding the Packers hostage for years. Every offseason he held retirement over their heads which hampered them by limiting the moves they were able to make. This year the Packers wanted an answer earlier. Favre retired, stating that he had nothing left. The Packers did all the right things. They changed up their playbook a bit to tailor to incumbent, Aaron Rodgers' strengths. They draft not one but two quarterbacks. They got ready for life without Favre.

Then the rumors started. Favre wanted back in. His family wanted him to play, he wanted to play. Favre was asked about this and he claimed ignorance. For weeks, a new story came out every day with more evidence to prove that Favre was trying to make a comeback. Aaron Rodgers stopped fielding questions about replacing a legend and started receiving questions about Favre's impending return. Then the bombshell, Favre asked for his release from the team. Favre wants to play, the Packers want him to stay retired.

Not to insinuate that Favre did this on purpose but the timing is impeccable. Favre waited until after the draft and after Rodgers was named the starter. If the Packers let Favre play this year they are effectively pushing Rodgers out the door in favor of one, maybe two more years of Favre-ball. This will severely hamper the team's ability to compete once Favre is gone. If the Packers release him, he will most assuredly go to one of 4 teams (Bears, Vikings, Panthers, Ravens). Packer fan cannot bear (no pun intended) the thought of Favre playing with their hated NFC North rivals but that looks to be the case if he is released.

My thoughts? The Packers need to release Favre if that is what he truly wants. Favre put the Packers in this position and they can't keep catering to him if they are to compete now and in the future. Favre may go on to play for the Vikings or the Bears but he does so with 100% certainty that his legacy will be tarnished (more than it already is). Favre will not receive quarter with Bears/Vikes fans if things go downhill. Favre is not a Bear legend. He will get the same treatment as hacks like Grossman and Orton. The best situation for Favre is the Vikings who are blessed with a top-notch back, a good line, and serviceable receivers. Can you picture Favre in the Purple and Gold?

A Tribute to JG's Stache

Good

Great

Legendary

Gone Camby Gone...

"The thing is, she always had a smile on her face. That was her. She was always smiling. I mean, who would take my little girl? She never hurt anybody, never caused..." - Helene McCready

Much like Amy Ryan's character in Gone Baby Gone, Nuggets fans woke up Tuesday morning to the news that Marcus Camby was gone. Seemingly overnight, the Nuggets shipped Camby out for the right to swap 2nd rounders with the Clippers in next year's draft. In short, they gave away their heart and soul and defensive workhorse for a second round pick they may not even get.

The Nuggets have in the past few years cemented themselves as a mid-level team in the Western Conference. Good enough to just make the playoffs but bad enough to be embarrassed by the real contenders. It has become readily apparent that in order to achieve the ultimate prize, the Nuggets will have to make changes.

League insiders and team reps will say (and I agree) that this was a good trade for the team in the long term. Denver had the fourth highest payroll in the NBA last year and they were certainly not a semifinal team. Many will see this trade as lopsided but it was purely a salary dump for the Nuggets. More trades and moves can be expected as the Nuggets try to get their payroll down to the point where they can be a player in the star-laden free agent market after this season.

In the short term, the trade certainly will not help the Nuggets but I doubt it will make them much worse. Nene will be back from his testicular cancer scare and will prove to be an offensive upgrade on Camby. The Nuggets are porous defensively and while Camby was an excellent help defender, he struggled one-on-one against skilled big men. The Nuggets will most likely ship Allen Iverson out of town as well and build around their polarizing superstar Carmelo Anthony. This should provide the energetic duo of J.R. Smith and Linas Kleiza with more playing time.

In order for the Nuggets to compete, they need to surround Melo with role players and hard workers. Smith and Kleiza are two of those guys. Nene could be the third if he can stay healthy for an extended stretch. Get a shooter, a lock down defender, an unselfish point guard, and blue collar bench guys (such as Eduardo Najera). Get rid of the baby's and prima donna's (see, Kenyon Martin). Easier said than done.

It's a shame to see Camby go as he has been one of the bright spots on a chronically underachieving team. However sometimes you have to take a few steps back before you move forward.

A Real-Life Roy Hobbs

I though it fitting that my first blog post has to do with my boy Hammie's wet dream inducing performance at the Home Run Derby on Monday night. Hammie ended up losing in the final to Justin Morneau of the Twins but he'll always have a special place in everyone's heart after his attempt to make sure everyone in the right and centerfield stands went home with a ball.

Hammie's story is one for the ages and I hope that he stays on the sober path and continues to be an ambassador to the sport of baseball and a champion of (seemingly) lost causes. He's on pace for 159 RBI this season (assuming he plays every one of the Rangers' remaining games), 6 shy of the number I said he would reach and 32 shy of the Major League record. It's unlikely that he keeps this up but it would be great for the sport (and my fantasy team) if he did.


During a week when sports stories are few and far between, Hefty and Ernie Els react to a video broadcast of The Chosen One, Hammie's 35 home runs on Monday night.