NFL Year In Review

First off, I have to apologize for the extensive Man-Hiatus. Things were hectic for awhile. I don’t really want to go into a long explanation because that may be something for another post but in late October I (and one of the other contributors to this blog) suffered a disappointing end to something we put our heart and soul into for over 6 months (no, I’m not talking about the Rays World Series loss) and writing a sports blog wasn’t something I could deal with. Looking back, it may have been a great way to help myself get over it but since it’s something that still pains me, I’m thinking that might not be the case after all. Once I stopped, it was too hard to get back into it.

I have no idea who I think I’m writing this to but in the past month or so I have heard from friends and people who I never thought read this blog, basically asking why the blog disappeared like A Rod in a tight game. If one person thinks it’s funny, that’s enough for me. It seems like the NFL season came and went without a decent “Vagaries of Man-Love” take. So without further adieu, the 2008 NFL season in a nutshell.

• - Against all odds, Brett Favre led the Jets to a 3rd place finish in AFC East and no playoffs. His teammates fell all over each other trying to be the first one to throw him under the bus. This guy is out of a job for the time being. In a completely unrelated story, stock for Vicodin supplier Pharmas Inc. reached an all-time high.
• - Jay Cutler claimed his arm is better than Elway’s was. He also took credit for being the inspiration behind 19—classic, “Rookie of the Year."
• 
• - Larry Fitzgerald refused to reveal what is behind his superior hands, incredible ups, and unrivaled man-strength.
• - Pacman “allegedly” ordered a hit on a Las Vegas bouncer, some guy in Atlanta, and presumably Plexico Burress.
• 
• - Trent Dilfer screamed indiscriminately at America from inside their TV set. In a related story, ESPN filled their “mediocre NFL quarterback” quota that hadn’t been met since the departure of Sean Salisbury.
• 
• - Pipe down Tim Hasselbeck, I said “mediocre” not horribly inept.
• - Tom Jackson picked the Broncos to win every single week.
• - The Kansas City Chiefs’ coaching staff was implicated in a plot to make themselves relevant in the NFL playoff picture by teaching their players how to dive at the knees of quarterbacks but not how to catch a ball that hits them in the chest.
• - Brett Favre refused to throw a spiral.
• - Danny DeVito revealed himself to be the actor who played both the Penguin in Batman and also Phil Rivers in Saturday night’s playoff game against Indianapolis. Is that Phil Rivers or Byung-Hyun Kim?
  
• - Minnesota coach Brad Childress and Philadelphia coach Andy Reid make NFL history as the first head coaches that starred in the same television show to coach against each other in an NFL playoff game.
• - Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb claims he didn’t know regular season games could end in a tie. Similarly, Dallas quarterback Tony Romo didn’t know the Dallas Cowboys could win a game past November.
• - Terrell Owens ran out of ways to disparage his quarterback. He already went with the gay blast on Jeff Garcia, the choker blast on Donovan McNabb, and the virgin blast on Steve Young.
• - Detroit Lions rookie running back Kevin Smith came through on his vow to make history.
• - What is Matt Leinart's greatest fear, Kurt Warner getting injured or the keg running out 5 minutes after midnight?

Finally, I would like to send a shout out to Cash for winning our inaugural Bravo Fantasy League, Blake (former Division 1 wideout) for winning my work league, and Tim for taking me out (with a 55 point performance from Antonio Bryant) in quarters en route to the championship in my Mamabird alum league. I lost in finals in the other two. Disappointing to not win any of them but at least I can hang my hat on the fact that the two I made the finals in were my big money leagues and I won enough to pay for a decent chunk of the new bed Anna and I just bought. So that’s a TV and a bed partially paid for with fantasy winnings. Sadly, when Rome talks about “fantasy guy,” he’s talking about me but at least I can say I got something out of it (aside from months of wasted time).

-PSon