What is it about winning? One month after your season ends will you really feel that much better after winning a championship than you will after underachieving? These are the questions I asked myself for 3 months following one of the most emotionally draining endeavors of my life. I couldn't do anything. I questioned the reasons I played the game and why I put myself through so much emotional and physical pain throughout the season. Herm Edwards would say, "We play to win the game." Herm Edwards was fired this week. The real answer should be that we play for our teammates and because of the love for our teammates, we play to win the game. We win as a team and every person on that team’s pride is on the line every time they step on the field wearing those uniform colors. That pride should be on the line because nobody wants to look in their teammates’ eyes after a contest and see any doubt that you did everything you could to help the team succeed. Any given team maximizes its chance of success when every person asks themselves, “What is my roll on this team? Do I want to hope my teammates do enough to win this game or am I going to do something to further our chances?”. I play elite level Ultimate on a championship caliber team. Expectations were very high last season, we were the sexy pick to win the title. Our rivals, the team we lost to in the National Championship game last year were coming into a season where they peaked early for Worlds (a tournament they lost) and lost a couple of key players from their previous championship runs. We lost only 3 games during the regular season, 2 of them at a tournament where we had about half our squad, and the other was against the team we lost the finals to last year. Something changed during that loss. There was a certain lack of respect we felt from them that we failed to see previously. They were acting like a bunch of assholes, treating the game like it didn't matter if they won (made all the worse by the fact that they were winning), and putting on cute little sideline displays to entertain themselves. We decided then that things would be different next time we played.
Nationals arrived and we were the 2 seed. We came out on fire in our first two games and squeaked by our 3rd in a very tough pool. Day 2 was a nightmare as we managed to lose both of our games, the second of which was a game where we were up big and choked in the end. Circumstances were such that had we won that game, we would be at the top of our pool with a favorable first game the following day. A loss meant we would have to play a dreaded prequarter game that night followed by a quarterfinal match up the next morning against the team that beat us in the championship game the prior year. We took care of business in prequarters and came out the next morning fired up and ready to play. We felt there was a sense of entitlement on their part which led to a lack of respect for us, not to mention the bulletin board material we were hoarding (“We’re not afraid of Johnny Bravo. They always choke.”) that I’m sure they never thought would get back to us. It wasn’t a pretty match but in the end, we provided the grit needed to secure a victory and end their reign over us. In all honesty, they are a great team with a lot of good guys. People need to hold on to whatever bit of motivation they can so great teams are often painted the villain. We certainly weren't the only team to feel that way about them but those feelings were not unwarranted. The struggle never ends and when next year rolls around, one victory will not be enough to make up for the many heartbreaking losses… ERRRR, choke jobs.
So many times in sports you see a team finally get over a hill to reach a beautiful valley with a meandering river, swaying trees, it's a beautiful place to be. The thing about valleys is there are mountains on both sides. An emotional high is quickly replaced by the reality that the quest is not complete and in your haste to enjoy the scenery, you failed to see the ominous clouds at your back. Parity is a great thing for sports, it is inspiring and heartbreaking at the same time. We faced a squad that we beat 4 of the 5 times we played them in the last 2 years. We realized all too late that this wasn’t the same team we were accustomed to. Brett Favre morphed into Chad Pennington. Precise throws replaced 50/50 balls and we were not ready for it. When you come out slow against an opponent who refuses to give you the disc, it’s an impossible uphill battle. We didn’t make it. My inability to play in the game (pulled hamstring in the previous game) had me in tears before it even started and the tension throughout exhausted all my emotion. My attempt to drink away those feelings worked for a bit but like a band-aid, it falls away with time and always leaves a scar as a reminder.
What can you do after something like that? I chose to hide the scar. It was hard for me to see my teammates mostly due to the fact that I was certain I let them down. I tried to play all year with a painful injury and even took a cortisone shot before Nationals (worked for about a week) but I wasn’t able to play to the level I demand of myself. I entertained the thought of giving up the game at some point in the last 3 months. This thought didn’t last for long but it was there nonetheless. I always told myself that I wouldn’t quit playing (in some capacity) until someone dragged me off the field. Now I was entertaining the thought of giving up the sport I loved and the one thing that defined me more than anything for the past 7 years? What happened? The explanation came to me in a flash. Early in my career, success came too easily. While I worked hard on the field, I worked just as hard off the field to destroy what I accomplished on the field. I hadn’t been accustomed to putting in the work during the off-season. In the past I used it to make a clean break from the season, recharge my batteries. As you get older your body doesn’t metabolize food as quickly, injuries linger, basically your body starts to fight back. I came into last season in the worst shape of my career and that played a large part in my various ailments. No big surprise, but I never experienced that before.
I've seen a slow decline ever since the peak of my career in 2004. My body used to be impervious to anything, earth, other bodies, binge drinking, King Buffet, you name it. These days I wake up sore, tired, and hung-over. Sadly, I thought I was done at the age of 25 but I still hung in there. I wasn't the same player but I evolved and I learned other ways to be effective. My drive and will to be the best wouldn't let me fall by the wayside. This season was especially hard for me. A lingering injury finally proved to be too much for me to take. If pain is the only barrier, I can take it but this was something else. My knees ceased to work like I wanted them to. They felt unstable and weak, I worried about a possible ligament tear. The doctor said differently, apparently I was born with knock-knees, an issue that primarily affects women. It was the bane of my entire season and made me half the player I thought myself to be. Within 5 years, my skill set changed from that of a #1 college deep to a D line handler.
I have recommitted myself to playing Ultimate at a high level and to being in the best shape I’ve been in since early college. World Games tryouts are playing a big part in the realization that I need to start training early for this season. For those that don’t know, 13 players will be selected to the Team USA roster for this summer’s World Games in Chinese Taipei. Playing for my country has been a huge goal of mine since I was a child watching the Olympics. It would be an honor for me and I know my family would be proud if I were to make that squad. My playing weight in college was 175 and I think I can get down to at least that even with my increase in muscle mass since those days. I will be in good shape once the tryouts roll around and even if I don’t make the team, I will be that much closer to being at the level I need to be at. My goal is to hit 175 by my birthday and evaluate from there. I just know that when the clock runs out on the 2009 season, Johnny Bravo will not underachieve and individually I vow to have my best season yet.
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