NBA GMs look to cut fat; decide to cut white guys.

Due to unfavorable product reviews and a slow economy, white guys will be phased out of the NBA within the next 5 years. It is being reported that the final straw came during NBA All-Star Weekend when Jason "The Last of the Caucasians" Kapono was defeated in the final round of the 3 point shootout.

Boston Celtics GM Danny Ainge said, "We just can't see a reason to pay these guys anymore. There is no market for white, American basketball players. Why would any businessman keep rolling out an inferior product just to sit on store shelves and collect dust? With technology ever increasing, we are now able to play with the same 7 man rotation the entire season." Ainge continued, "Look this ain't college. If it were, we could afford to trot these t-shirt wearing stiffs out on the court in the last minute of a blowout and let them hoist up a couple of threes. The NBA is a man's game, they're not playing for room, board, and pitty cheers. These guys make real money to wave a towel around and warm chairs."

When asked what he thought about Ainge's comments, Phoenix Suns GM Steve Kerr said, "I'm just glad I played when I did. Nowadays you don't have to keep a guy on your roster who is limited to shooting threes and setting screens. These days there are players who can do all that and have some semblance of athletic ability. This isn't charity, it's the NBA. Instead of drafting a 7-foot Frankenstein with a buzz cut and 2 inch vertical, we can draft 19-year old Europeans and let them develop overseas. Once they arrive we pay them less, get twice the results, and save on soap and water."

This is grim news for white NBAers but not all is lost. There are many available occupations in the world of sports that match their skillsets including but not limited to: professional bowler, hockey player, lacrosse player, MMA fighter, bullpen catcher, and NFL punter/placekicker. Former stiff Greg Ostertag was reached for comment and said the future isn't so bad. "Most of these guys have a Big Ten or Big 12 degree to fall back on and they won't have to live with the nightly horror of taking balls to the face."

-PSon