Blueberry Mangina!

In shocking news, the Genealogy Department of Kansas State University revealed that University of Kansas Football Head Coach Mark Mangino is the illegitimate son of Violet Beauregarde and any of a handful of Oompa Loompas.



It appears that after her “dejuicening” the young Ms. Beauregarde was taken in by the Oompa Loompas and kept as a sex slave/dungeon kitty for years. Her torment finally came to an end after she escaped her confinement just long enough to drown herself in the Chocolate River, an ode to Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment” and in honor of her first love, Augustus Gloop. She is survived by Mark Mangino and Mark Paul Gosselaar.

At last weekend’s CU vs KU game, fans were heard reciting this Wonka-themed heckle.

"Oompa loompa doompty doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompty dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me

What do you when your coach is so fat
he eats all the cake like a ten-year old brat?

He cleans his plate with his mouth and a lick
it takes him hours just to find his own dick

After the game Kansas players can’t eat
while their jolly coach can’t see his own feet

Oompa loompa doompty dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Oompa loompa doompty doo
fat jokes are funny if they’re not about you"


-bb13