A little brains never hurt anyone...

I don’t want to be an alarmist… and I know our country is facing uncertain times. But I can’t escape the nagging feeling that this whole “economy in crisis”, “terrorist threats abroad” hullabaloo is just a classic ‘wag-the-dog’ to divert the American public’s attention away from the true danger threatening our great nation. I speak, of course, of the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

Anyone that watches the news and can “read between the lines” knows the Zombie Apocalypse is pretty fucking nigh. But I’m here to tell you it’s even closer than we think. Our society may have already been infiltrated, and perhaps even overrun. To borrow a phrase “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist.”

Well I’m here to blow the cover right off this thing. There are zombies among us! They even have high paying jobs in the media and are getting beamed into our homes every week!
Case in point: Andrea Kremer

I mean, come on. Look at that sallow, pasty skin. The lifeless look in her eyes. The way her bloodless lips smatter and twitch. Clear signs that she’s a zombie. A well-appointed and sometimes eloquent one. But a zombie nonetheless.


If photographic evidence isn’t enough, how about this transcript of an interview following last week’s Eagles vs. Bears game.

Andrea Kremer: 

"The Bears defense came up big not, once, but twice in goal line stands this game. What did you tell the guys to fire them up."

Brian Urlacher: 

"Well Andrea, I really don’t have to say much. These guys know the situations and… why are you looking at me like that? You look dangerously dehydrated."

Andrea Kremer: 

"What? No. I’m fine. So what did it feel like to stifle that last (brains) drive?"

Brian Urlacher: 

"It felt great I know we had big leads the last two games… wait, did you just say brains?"

Andrea Kremer: 

"Of course not. So Brian, what are you looking forward to in your match up with the Lions next (brrraaaiiiinnnnnsssss) week?"

Brian Urlacher: Ummmm, you’re creeping me out. And with the number of strippers I keep around that says a lot. Wait, stop. Are you measuring my head?

Andrea Kremer:

"Bbbbbbrrrrraaaaiiiiinnnnss, your skull is so big smooth. I just want to eat your brrrraaaainnnnnnsssss!!! Thanks Brian, lets take it back to the studio."

And scene.

-bb13