The Anatomy of a Basebrawl

Baseball is a sport that is steeped in tradition unlike any other. Major League Baseball is the slowest of the major sports leagues in the United States to make any kind of changes. For instance, the NFL, NBA, and NHL all use some form of replay during games to make sure the outcome of a game is not determined by a single faulty call. Despite the many disputed home run calls over the past few years (some coming in crucial moments), MLB still has yet to adopt this necessary evil. Someday MLB will institute instant replay but we can all rest easy knowing that some good things never change. MLB should never, can never, and will never disallow players from coming out of their dugouts during brawls.

The NFL, NHL, and NBA all have rules against leaving the bench (for any reason) during fights. This is a good rule for these sports. It ensures that the minimum amount of players are involved in the fight. Why wouldn't MLB adopt the same rule? Safety of the players. You see unlike those other sports (except hockey during power plays), there will always be an unequal number of players on the field for each team. The closest they can ever get is 9-7 (loaded bases, guy on deck, 1st and 3rd base coaches). The batting team would always be at a severe disadvantage.

Baseball is a gentleman's game, right? This should never be a problem. Guys who reach the high minor and major league levels have been playing the game long enough to know the code. There is no honor among thieves. These are not all honorable men. Roger Clemens (threw a sawed off bat at Mike Piazza), Juan Marichal (brought a bat to the mound), Delmon Young (threw a bat at the umpire), Roberto Alomar (spit in an umpire's face), and the most recent addition, Julio Castillo (threw a ball at the opposing dugout, ball missed and hit a fan). The list is endless. These are the same douches you went to high school with. The absence of this rule is necessary in order to protect batters and keep pitchers honest.

Of course I would be lying if I said baseball fights were anything but awesome. This is when guys show their true colors. Countless characters emerge from these situations. I will mention my 9 favorites here.

1. "Likes to fight" guy, fielder edition (Jonny Gomes). This is the guy who sprints to the fight like he's trying to beat out an infield single and starts throwing hay makers at whoever touches one of his teammates.

2. "Likes to fight" guy, pitcher edition (Kyle Farnsworth). This guy is often a headhunter. He doesn't just want to bean guys, he wants to hurt them too. He'll let his fists finish what the ball started.

3. "Likes to fight" guy, batter edition (Izzy Alcantra). This guy likes to fight so much that he has a plan even before he knows he's going to be hit. Kick the catcher, avoid the mitt throw, throw hay makers at anybody who looks at you.

4. "In over his head" guy (Robin Ventura). This is the guy who makes a rash decision after being hit, charges the mound, then realizes he can't fight. This guy usually ends up being put in a headlock and taking 30 shots to the top of the head.

5. "Doesn't want to fight" guy (Alex Rodriguez). This is the most common of the fight guys. This guy usually stares at the pitcher until the catcher gets in his way, then he'll pretend that he really wants to get to the pitcher but can't.

6. The Catcher. That's all that needs to be said. This guys job is to protect the pitcher at all costs. He's the first line of defense.

7. Bullpen Reliever. These guys are my favorite. They take the slow jog to the fracas and basically just mill around while grabbing relievers from the other team. Occasionally you'll get "likes to fight" reliever who is no different from "likes to fight" fielder but they are very rare.

8. Cheapshot Guy. This is the guy who waits until somebody is tied up to start throwing punches. Because of the nature of this guy's character, the "punches" are usually small rabbit punches or open hand slaps.

9. The Gambler. Another one of my favorites. This guy thinks he's realizing his dream of becoming an MMA fighter and tries to throw something like a telegraphed roundhouse kick or a spinning back-fist. They never work, this guy always looks foolish and he inevitably becomes ESPN anchor fodder for the entirety of his career.