Bear-Hug for Brett

As a Bears fan, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. You see, the Bears’ outlook for next season is abysmal. We just lost our “franchise” running back to alcoholism and rampant stupidity. We’ve added little to nothing on offense, and our once mighty defense… was decidedly less mighty last year. The keystone to all this mediocrity is our abysmal situation at QB.

A quick history of Bears football shows a terrifying list of half-decayed zombies, French existentialists, and tackling dummys who have tried in vain to lead the Bears back to the glory land. These simple words make Bears fans across the nation shudder: Kordell, Kramer, Krenzel, and the worst of all … Burris. 

And while I do genuinely love Kyle Orton. Seriously, I love the guy. I can’t be sure he’s a long-term answer.

But there may be a silver lining to this dark, sweaty cloud. Because, you may not have heard (BREAKING NEWS), Brett Favre may be coming out of retirement and leaving the Packers! I know, you’d think someone would be talking about such important news. If you don’t believe me, look it up! I’m for real.

So could Brett Favre be the Bears' salvation? Can Brett lead the Bears to a Super Bowl victory? Would time and space end if that happened? Would I even want that to happen?

Hence… the soul searching.

After much thought. My answer is Yes. To all of the above. I would welcome Mr. Favre, but knowing TWO very important things.  

1. I love the Bears. And I would place my personal feelings on nearly any subject aside if it meant success for the Bears. If Hitler’s great grandson had a cannon for an arm. And Pol Pot’s nephew had great hands. I’d cheer them both to a Super Bowl victory, with no shame. So as much as I’ve hated Brett over the years. As many times as I’ve made up horrible things about him (he’s not really a child molester. I can admit that now). I would welcome him with open arms. But under VERY strict guidelines, ie victories.

2. If we welcomed Favre to the Bears. But he sucked. The glorious potential of that situation would be … wait for it, this is good … the prospect of Brett FUCKING Favre getting benched for the likes of Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton. OH GLORIOUS DAY! Imagine the pain on the fat, drunk, ugly faces of Packer fans across the nation as their golden god is relegated to clipboard carrier for their biggest rival.

So as you can see. It’s a win – win in my book. So come on down Favre! You can even crash on my futon while you’re looking for a place in Chicago. I’ve got cable and wireless internet, just sayin.

-bb13